Defy the odds

It's been a loooooong time...

2008-12-09T01:58:00.003+08:00

When I looked at the date of the last entry,I found it mildly disconcerting that it was half a year ago. QY, I know you're expecting an entry about my TTC life but that will have to wait. For the moment though, I'm glad I finished transcribing somebody's speech. It was quite a lengthy speech and the recording device was not exactly state-of-the-art so I'm rather proud of myself that I'm done it. Tomorrow I'll be polishing up what I couldn't catch the first time round.
I'm having and enjoying my semester break for the moment (yes, TTC does have holidays too). Apart from this little project I just mentioned, I've been overdosing on Friends (the sitocm) and getting a kick out of playing the theme song repeatedly. It's meant for friends, (duh!). The lyrics are remarkably simple, yet I found them poignant.

I'll be there for you--The Rembrandts
So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke,
Your love life's D.O.A. [Dead On Arrival]
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year

But I'll be there for you (when the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you (like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you ('cos you're there for me too)

You're still in bed at 10, and work began at 8
You've burnt your breakfast so far
Things are going great
Your mother warned you there'd be days like these
But she didn't tell you when the world has brought you down on your knees

That I'll be there for you (when the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you (like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you ('cos you're there for me too)

No one could ever know me
No one could ever see me
Seems you're the only one who knows what it's like to be me
Someone to face the day with
Make it through all the rest with
Someone I'll always laugh with
Even at my worst, I'm best with you

It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year

And I'll be there for you (when the rain starts to pour)
I'll be there for you (like I've been there before)
I'll be there for you ('cos you're there for me too)

I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
I'll be there for you
'cos you're there for me too

The things I do while on leave

2008-07-02T22:20:00.002+08:00

I started taking leave from the end of May and with the time available on my hands, what did I do? (Apart from sleeping a lot, that is). I watch movies. I went to watch Prince Caspian shortly after it opened, and I mentioned that in passing in one of my previous entries.
That soured my experience. At least there's a break in the story between Prince Caspian and Voyage of the Dawn Treader. I really hope Andrew Adamson don't mess it up this time.....
The other movie I watched was 'You Don't Mess With the Zohan'. It looked promising although the media seemed to be confused whether Adam Sandler's character was supposed to be a spy or commando. I was looking forward to it. Boy, was I disappointed. The movie was over the top with more jokes about his genitals than focusing on the storyline itself. I mean, not even Rambo was this ludicrous.
Speaking of Rambo, I also watched the movie. It was only so-so. The Rambo franchise is getting tired and it isn't a good idea to stretch it too much. Try imagining your grandfather single-handedly gunning an entire army?
I finally managed to get my hands on the Bourne trilogy (film, not the book). I liked it because it's a more plausible version of James Bond (not that I had written it off though). Put it this way: How many of 007's gadgets can you actually use?
I thought that the Bourne trilogy tended to focus more on the main character (Jason Bourne) using his intelligence (no pun intended) skills to outmanoeuvre his opponents (rogue CIA elements). For instance, I had always thought that as a spy, you never never appear on your enemy's radar scope. Once you're caught, you're finished. Bourne seemed to be comfortable with letting his opponents capture him and turn it to his advantage.
An example is in Bourne Supremacy, where he uses his own passport, which is sure to be tracked, to be captured. So while the CIA guys are gloating about the catch, Bourne overpowers the detention authorities, including a CIA officer. He then uses a device to copy the knocked-out officer's SIM card, then puts the SIM card back. Thereafter, he was able to listen in on any conversation the officer is having with CIA HQ without the guy knowing.
The other movie which I strongly recommend is 'The Bucket List'. It's a story of 2 cancer patients who decide that since their deaths were inevitable, they may as well have some fun. So the 2 goes, sky-diving, racing, explore places they don't normally go to (Egyptian pyramids), see stuff (Taj Mahal). What made the story beautiful was the fact that both discovered profound things about themselves and each other. This was the ind of friendship that the world in general tends to marginalise. The movie brings that out nicely without being too campy or preachy.
Of course, it helps a lot that the 2 main characters are played by actors I regard very highly--Morgan Freeman and Jack Nicholson. Freeman has always managed to slip into his character and inject his presence, while Nicholson demonstrates his ability at playing the cantankerous but ultimately good-hearted guy.
Do try to catch the Bourne trilogy and the Bucket List, if you can. They're worth watching.

Follow-on from previous entry

2008-06-15T00:16:00.002+08:00

This song spoke to me as if to say, 'This is why you can hope.'

Early in the Morning--David Meece
Once a good young King came by
Early in the morning
Hope soared nearly to the sky
Early in the morning
Yet that first hope nearly died
With so little warning
The good young King was crucified
Early in the morning

In the stone cold tomb He lay
Early in the morning
Laid with Him the hope of day
Early in the morning
Saints and angels fearful, pray
Yearning for a dawning
Breaking on a silent grave
Early in the morning

Hallelujah, O the bright dawn breaks
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, O the sweet King wakes
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Long the anxious claws have gripped
Early in the morning
Now the vanquished claws have slipped
Early in the morning
How the bragging dragon trips
Head, so high, now fawning
Mouth denied, forever drips
Early in the morning

Hallelujah, empty claws proclaim
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, now the good King reigns
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Steady in the waning light
Early in the morning
Risen Morning Star, our light
Early in the morning
Dragons breed again to fight
Fearful is their taunting
Yet we trust Lord thy great might
Early in the morning

Hallelujah, saints and angels sing
Hallelujah, hallelujah
Hallelujah, praise the risen King
Hallelujah, hallelujah

Random ramblings again

2008-06-14T01:04:00.002+08:00

If you have encountered your share of heartaches, and you're struggling to hold on to a faith that says, 'God will not forget or ignore me', the despair sets in very quickly. Paradoxically, I am comforted by the words of Jesus in Matthew 10:39--' Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.'
That was a reinforcement of an insight He gave to me some time back. Whenever I go through a tough time, I would like to think that there was some purpose behind it (and there is). And whatever it was, God was not oblivious to my pain (this was if I couldn't discern some reason for my experience). I was conducting a teaching series on Luke and I recall saying something to the effect of, 'It may seem that you're giving up your happiness forever, but nothing you give up to and for God will ever be in vain.'
As much as I am convinced by the insight which I just mentioned in the previous paragraph, I am repeating it here also for my own comfort. I am afraid of having the hope again for fear it may prove false (or perhaps the pain was a necessary part of the development? I don't know). So folks, whatever I'm saying, it's for me as much as it is for you. The insight is in a form of a quote:
All missed chances, however, permanent they may seem, will one day work out to the glory of God, and to your eventual joy.

If I am to be creamed for plagiarising somebody, YOU STARTED IT! Hahaha!

2008-06-04T23:02:00.002+08:00

When we love, it is not guaranteed that we are loved in return, but God continues to love, and in His strength, we can do the same.

Yours truly, the amateur critic

2008-06-04T00:13:00.002+08:00

I just watched 'Prince Caspian' today. If you have never read the book, go on ahead and enjoy the movie. If you have read the book, be warned: It's a huge disappointment. I fought the temptation to walk out halfway during the screening. No more details, lest I inadvertently let loose some spoilers...
On the other hand, I am much amused by the song 'Bad Day', originally sung by Daniel Powter. It's a poignant depiction of what actually happens. But the one that tickles me is the chipmunk version (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vQZLCNRYqMM). If you feel despondent, switch to the link and have a laugh.

Movie quotes

2008-05-28T23:06:00.002+08:00

Here's a quiz to smoke out all those of you who watch this movie:

'Why are we fighting for the humans? They're [a] primitive, violent race.'
'Were we so different? They're a young species; they have much to learn. But I have seen good in them. Freedom is the right of all sentient beings. We cannot let the humans pay for our mistake....'

I think we can all identify with the poor guy....

2008-05-27T20:23:00.001+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JbX80xiMUxE&feature=related

My father

2008-05-21T21:56:00.004+08:00

I know you're all probably expecting me to talk about God, but I'm talking about my human father instead. It's rather interesting to see how my relationship with my father has evolved over the years, and how this reflects my relationship with God as well.

I was raised in a family that was well-balanced, I should say. There was a clear hierarchy in the family. Some people might comment that it was overly militaristic but they are entitled to their opinions; I'm fine with how my dad raised me. He was liberal with the cane. Looking at the state of some kids we see today, I'm very glad that he was tough with me.

Of course he had his share of flaws (I am not, however, about to enumerate them); he is after all, a human being. I remember clashing with him on some occasions.

The differences between grew even more salient after I ORD-ed. That was the time I was finishing university and I felt the call of God into full-time ministry (sometimes, I wonder in jest if I should have acted blur about that). My father didn't agree. At that time, things really came to a head. He saw me as rash, and I saw him as nominal in his faith, and for a long while we were not on talking terms. Although we were cordial enough and I still respected him as my father, I was alienated from him and I'm sure, vice versa.

What made the turn of the tide was something unusual. God sent me a dream. In that dream, Christians were being hunted down, persecuted. But my father risked his life to hide me and ensure I was safe. Strangely, it didn't occur to me that if he was a Christian as well, why wasn't he being persecuted? It didn't matter. After I woke up, I thought about it. And I realised that whatever he did in my dream was consistent with his character. He may not see a place for leaps of faith the way I did, but he did remain true to what he believed in.

Other events followed over the years. I was talking to this student who had problems with her father and as I was talking to her, God said to me, 'Isn't it time you also dealt with yours?'

I did, and I felt I was doing what pleases the Lord. And I was deeply satisfied.

Last November, my father experienced what he thought was heart attack symptoms. He checked himself into hospital and was warded for a couple of days. We found out later that it was a false alarm. He had switched to a new diabetes medicine that had the side effects resembling symptoms of a heart attack.

I was at the time alarmed because that was about the right age for all these problems to come (he was 54 at the time). The fact that I went to visit him every day no doubt represented the last barrier that dropped between us.

By that time, I had already seen him in a new light. His faith wasn't shallow. It's just that he saw things (including spiritual matters) in pragmatic terms. I did not and in some instances still do not, agree with some things he said or did. But now, I do not judge him. I acknowledge the fact that whatever his decisions were, he made them in good faith, with all intentions that his family (us) should benefit for it. He had obviously given up considerable opportunities in order that we might enjoy what he never got.

Some of these opportunities I will never know. My father is never one to blow his own trumpet. I once asked him about the topic of extramarital affairs and asked him how he stood against all possible temptation. He just shrugged and said that it was the right thing to be loyal. Never mind that it was a major feat in and by itself.

So here's to my father, a man who has lived by his internal code of honour, from whom I had inherited my transparency, a man whom for all that you can say about him, has remained consistent in his character. He wears no mask; what you see is what you get, warts and all.

And while it took me a long time to appreciate this man for who he is, I'm glad I eventually did.

I also said that my relationship reflected, to some extent, my relationship with God as well. To put it simply, the day I stopped judging my father and stopped taking him for granted was also the day, I saw God clearer.

2008-05-07T13:06:00.003+08:00

You are only allowed to bring in 10 pets. 1 pet, cannot. 2 pets, also cannot. Must be 10 pets.

2008-04-24T00:30:00.003+08:00

I really couldn't resist doing this. I was watching 'Bee Movie' and they started off with a Top Gun-style beginning. That, in and by itself, wasn't funny but the words had me laughing for a long time. Here it is.

According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way a bee is supposed to be able to fly

Its wings are considered too small to get its little fat body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway.

Because bees do not care what humans think is impossible.

I think it's because of the image of the bee being oblivious to what humans are insisitng cannot be done that is so hilarious. It's like this: Humans think they are masters of the universe (By the power of Grayskull, anyone?). This ends up as a sort of arrogance that they know and/or control everything, in this case, whether bees can fly. Try imagining a bunch of humans arguing over this and the bee is flying past them going, 'La la la la la' without bothering whether it is conforming to all the arguments.

Now, that's a thought...

2008-04-11T11:11:00.002+08:00

At some point, you learn to ignore the [unkind] names people call you, and you just trust who you are.

~Shrek, in Shrek the Third~

We all bow down

2008-02-13T22:49:00.002+08:00

Meaningful song that reminds us who our Master ought to be.

Princes and paupers, sons and daughters
Kneel at the throne of grace
Losers and winners, saints and sinners
One day we'll see His face

And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
He is the Love, unfailing Love
He is the Love of God

Summer and winter, the mountains and rivers
Whisper the Saviour's name
Awesome and holy, He's a friend to the lonely
Forever His love will reign

And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
He is the Love, unfailing Love
He is the Love of God

He's the Light of the world
And the Lord of the cross

And we all bow down
Kings will surrender their crowns
And worship Jesus
He is the Love, unfailing Love
He is the Love of God
(to end)

2008-02-13T21:34:00.003+08:00

I've had so many things on my mind lately. Arguably, it was spiritual warfare but let's not over-hype things. In essence, some things remained unclear and they were wearing me down. There were also matters that were resolved, to my joy.
In both cases, I found reason to thank God. I'm rather surprised at myself. I used to only want the good stuff. But my NUS lecturer put it best: You have to have the valleys to appreciate the peaks.
I felt that as I grew older, I lost a big part of my innocence. This is not necessarily a bad thing. I now look at the world in a more objective (detached?) fashion. Of course, the inherent danger is that I become cynical. This does happen occasionally. But when that does, the love and grace of God pulls me back from destroying myself.
I now see the world, no more with the simplistic view that God's reign is established (though it is, and will be). The problem I faced was that I tended to expect the world to be like that. In losing my innocence, I didn't turn my back on God or the church. Rather, I saw the world without its pretence, but in spite of all the dark picture, I saw God's glory somehow shining through. Another outcome of the major battle I fought was that I no longer saw things in black and white. There are, of course, issues whch fall in such a category but not life in its entirety. I have the tendency to group everything, and I mean everything, into black and white. There are times where it is not black and white.
The last part frightened me because for a good part of my life, I rely on people whom I know to have the gift of prophecy to tell me what God is saying, then I follow (as long as it doesn't contradict Scripture). I ignored (and forgot) the fact that these same people have flaws. As such, they are not always dead accurate. So I still have to walk my own path. This is in spite of advice from very godly people. Very lonely, I found. But yet, in it lay the opportunity to discover the thrill of walking closely with God. I hope I remember to talk about this in another post (this has to do with the movie 'Evan Almighty'). This lonely part of walking my own path wore on me because firstly, it entails that I had to stand against the opinion and wishes of people whom I repsect greatly, and secondly, there is a possibility that I was deluded in the first place.
In that case, it becomes very easy to continue plunging down the path because 'only I know what the Lord is saying to me.' I'm not yet conceited enough. But then again, my mentor told me that yes, God does speak through His saints but He speaks to the person first.
It's as though God was saying, 'You've listened to people around you who spoke of me. Now it's time for you to learn to hear from Me for yourself'.
Take for example, an issue that was weighing on my heart. I was struggling with it ('is this the case, is this not the case, what if I'm wrong, have I invested my emotions for nothing?' etc etc), then it got resolved, surprisingly enough, during Chinese New Year. I felt that now that the issue is resolved. It was a relief to me because for a long time, the struggle was over, it this right/appropriate? When things became clear, it turned out that it was not a matter of right or wrong, appropriate or inappropriate. It was more like, 'You're not doing anything wrong. What happened today was just so that you had enough to believe and therefore, to go on.' I regret that I cannot go into greater details, but this one quite close to my heart and rather sensitive. Only a handful of people know about it.
So, as it stands, it is a happy situation. But will high morale last? I don't think so, from experience. At some point, perhaps even the thing that caused me to be happy may well end up as the same thing that cause me anxiety, and fear. But one must learn to accept the good times together with the bad. Whenever I'm happy over an issue, I thank God for it and I treasure the moment as it is. But when it is not so certain or happy, I learn to live with it and still thank God for it, though with less enthusiasm. Samwise Gamgee (Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers) said something to the effect that the sun that comes out after the night (or is it rain?) shines all the brighter.
So what would the future hold? I really don't know. I desire the best, of course. But if the worst happens instead, I am willing to accept the consequences of my decision as such. But at least, I draw comfort from the fact that I made my mistake trying to follow God's leading to the best of my understanding.

Night cycling planning phase

2007-12-15T14:34:00.000+08:00

One of the significant events of this holidays was the night cycling event. It was held on 28 Nov all through to 29 Nov.
I had always wanted to organise a night cycling primarily because it was not something one did very often. I had also wanted to organise one for the 64th, because I am always of the opinion (and correct me if I'm wrong) that Boys have got plenty of energy and it would be a waste of we didn't allow that expression. So that was the genesis of the idea of the night cycling trip.
Soon came a development. I realised that due to various reasons, we were not going to have a youth camp this year. Someone within the 64th Coy officer corps decided that we should extend this to the rest of the SJCp youths. Not a new idea, since its Chaplain had in fact mooted the idea some years back; just that we never got down to it.
So there it was, a humble idea became something that was for the entire youth ministry. Then came the sobering part: We had not organised something like this before. And I was the chap who had to look into it because I was the only working adult who was available; the rest had their own schedules.
Booking the bicycles was fairly easy. We only needed to pay the delivery charges ($200) for the bikes to be sent to wherever we specified.
We were hoping to hit at least 30 km. But we were worried that it would be too short and if people finished it too quickly, they would get bored. So we felt that we should plan one long one. I wanted a route that would lead us parallel to the Changi runway, then lead into East Coast. But to get there, we had to cycle from SJCp. That was the difficult part. The idea was to avoid all expressways and major roads. Drivers tend to drive very very fast and I didn't want to think of the consequences of an accident. The 2nd thing was to secure 2 safety vehicles, one to lead the bike convoy, the other to follow behind. I didn't fully grasp the significance of this gesture but as I looked back, this turned out to be one of the most important factors that ensured our safety.
So we designed a route (50km). But we when we went for a recce the following week at the actual time (night), we got a rude shock. The route included Geylang Serai area which was a favourite night spot for people looking for a snack. Busy traffic. We quickly selected a shorter route (37 km) but adventurous as I wanted to be, I couldn't help but feel uneasy. This was also confirmed by another brother of mine who generously helped out in the recce phase.
Nevertheless, God brought about a turn of events who helped us a great deal--it rained. I know it sounds strange that we should feel that way. But the fact was that, it was one of those types where it rained a while, stopped a while. At that point, my boss pointed out to me that it was going to be dangerous. The road was wet and drivers were complacent; had it been raining heavily, everyone would definitely have slowed down and at least drive very carefully.
Those were terrifying moments for me. I had to decide whether to go ahead and take the risks, or call off the whole thing and disappoint everybody. I was the one on whose decision the entire thing hung. It was not an enjoyable feeling. By then, I had experienced cyclists who were with me in the decision-making (the original cadre of officers whom I worked with couldn't make it because they were overseas, except for Melboy, to whom I am extremely grateful for his calming presence, though he himself might not believe this). We all huddled together in prayer, but we were not your archetypical bold 'prayer warriors', so to speak. We were more like a frightened bunch of people who were desperate to find out what God had in mind, but yet unsure if He had spoken.
Anyway, we decide to go ahead but made a big change. We discarded the plans altogether and made one up. We called the bike vendor to change the delivery venue from SJCp to Changi Village. We would start from there, cycle past Changi Beach, reach the road parallel to the airport runway, cut into East Coast, cycle it's entire length, then end at car park C3 where we were supposed to return the bikes the next day anyway. After that, we'd hop on a chartered bus and return to SJCp.
I'll blog about the actual trip in the next entry. But at the chronological point in time where all I've described happened, I was arguable the most frightened individual in the church.
Right, next entry--The trip itself.

It's aliiiivvvveeee!!!!!!!!!!

2007-10-19T17:38:00.000+08:00

Hi folks,
It's been a tremendously long time since I last put any entry. One will be coming along shortly, but for now, I have successfully put up a tagboard so you people can start flooding it. ;)

Let all things now living--Michael Card

2007-03-22T15:56:00.000+08:00

Let all things now living
A song of thanksgiving
To God the Creator triumphantly raise
Who fashioned and made us
Protected and stayed us
Who guided us onto the end of our days

His banners are o'er us
His light goes before us
A pillar of fire shining forth in the night
Till shadows have vanished
And darkness is banished
As forward we travel from light into light

His law He enforces
The stars in their courses
The sun in its orbit obediently shine
The hills and the mountains
The rivers and fountains
The deeps of the ocean proclaim Him divine

We too should be voicing
Our love and rejoicing
With glad adoration
A song let us raise
Till all things now living
Unite in thanksgiving
To God in the highest
Hosanna and praise!

Two Secrets To Keep Your Marriage Brimming

2007-03-08T10:46:00.000+08:00

Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
Whenever you're right, SHUT UP.

~Nash (whoever he is)~

The Lord Cares

2007-03-04T23:14:00.000+08:00

I've been under quite a bit of strain recently. I had been carrying a burden on my heart for quite a while. Some time early this month, I reached a direction on where my feelings stood.
Then came a blow. One of our church members, a very beloved lady passed away on Saturday night. I was affected in the sense that I was preaching the very next day. That night was the first of many sleepless nights. After seeing the family, home, I reached home myself at 12 midnight, completely unaware of what was about to happen.
I woke up at 3.30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. I felt very heavily burdened. I was filled with a feeling of dread. My parents came in to give 'ang pows' (they normally do this on the eve of CNY when my sister and I are sleeping) and they were wondering why I was awake, Anyway, after they left, I sneaked out to the living room and there I wrestled in prayer. I begged God to take the burden away from me or let me sleep. No dice.
I wrestled until about 5 am and then decided that I was better off heading to church anyway. So I took a bath (I don't normally do that in the mornings because it was so cold) and headed off, the earliest I have ever been to church in my life.
The preaching went OK, according to friends. I was not so sure. I realised that I would suffer spiritual attacks (as if things weren't bad enough then) after I step off the pulpit. I would feel tremendously worthless and have said things that were totally useless to anybody in particular.
Thankfully that night, I rested well. Maybe it was because I was so tired by then. But just when I thought it was over, I was hit again on Monday night. This time, it was real bad. I couldn't sleep until 2.30 am. I said to God, 'Lord, I really can't do this. Please let me rest. I really can't take it.' I did go to bed.
And woke up again at 4 am. I begged and implored God to help me because I believed even sleep was a gift from Him. I didn't know why He didn't answer this prayer. But He wanted to tell me something. The same thing happened again on Tuesday.
I think the strain actually showed on my face when I went to work on Wednesday. A colleague saw and took me aside to encourage me. That helped a great deal but I found myself having another fruitless night struggling.
By that Friday during my church's prayer meeting, I was ready to just give up. I felt that I could give up and let some things just die. I thought, all right, I've got that out of the way now I can sleep.
It was not to be. I was really confused and lost. I could understand if it was God's will for nature to take its course in another way from what I expected (or hoped) and I was stubbornly holding on. I didn't understand because I had already made the decision to give up. So by right, I should be at peace, right?
Well, apparently not. At least, God sent people who love me to help cushion the blow. Now, I'm waiting for God to reveal His purpose for all this. All this happened around the time of my birthday so I'm somewhat dubious about how this can be a happy birthday.
On my birthday, I had to attend a Induction Service for a Vicar of another church. As I sat there, I felt overwhelmed because I knew that was the path I would one day take and I was very, very frightened. I felt I couldn't do it. But that was all right for that day. That evening, my mentor (who also happened to be my boss)and his family were kind to bring me to Swensen's for a treat. I shared with him how intimidated I was. Basically I felt the weight of my calling.
The next day it really hit me hard. I was the worship leader and I almost couldn't do it. I was locked in trepidation. I wasn't sure how I got through but God eventually gave me strength to overcome it.
I realised that when I fought a battle, it was because God gave me what was needed to make it though. But it was always enough to make it through this battle, never to win the whole war. I think this is good because I would otherwise never have known to constantly depend on Him. I would never have grasped the full implications of 'His mercies are new every morning'.
Of course, the other lesson is, faith is never the absence of doubts. It's about struggling with your doubts. Sometimes, you end up carrying them all the way until God fulfils His promise to you. I suspect Abraham had to wrestle with moments of despair while waiting for Isaac. I don't think he spent a good part of his life not thinking about whether God had forgotten him. He has had to grapple with whether he had heard God right. Maybe he should just give up and move on. God can't have been wrong so it's more likely he misread God. He surrenders but still gets torn in doubt.
Yet there are also times where he feels irrefutably sure that he has heard God correctly. Sometimes it is God who reassures. How He does this, not necessarily through appearing but in the quiet contemplation of the heart. As he sat still and quietened his heart, the Lord gives him a peace that He knows what He is doing. He believes not because he has the evidence but somehow he refuses to give up hope despite the doubts gnawing at him. By the time that God actually appears to him to reaffirm His promise, Abraham is ready to believe.
Interestingly the Bible states that Abraham believed the word of God and it is recorded that 'it was credited to him as righteousness' (Genesis 15:6). It is good news for us because what matters is that at the point when God tell us something, do we believe? When we do, it is inevitable that doubts will assail us. They are part and parcel of God shaping us, not an indication of lack of faith. It is not significant whether we suffer doubts or can find the reserve to believe completely without having doubts; the heart of the matter is whether we believe that God will do whatever He said He would do. Doubts and uncertainty are part of the package.
So if you living in uncertainty about the future direction, trust the Lord. If He leads you in a different direction from the one you expected or hoped for, so be it but when you hit setbacks and doubts, don't immediately assume you were wrong. Stop and wait on the Lord first and let Him speak to you in that still, small voice.

That's The Way It Is--Celine Dion

2007-03-02T23:19:00.000+08:00

Most so-called love songs don't really impress me much because of the superficiality of the lyrics. Very often it is along the lines of 'Oh I can't live without you' or I'll die without you' etc... I usually prefer older songs or songs by established artistes like Celine Dion. I didn't put the song lyrics here to say that it reflects me in any way (it doesn't). I like Celine's Dion's vocals and her songs tend to take on a somewhat more mature flavour (I won't say all of them; the 'Titanic' theme song still gets my hair standing).

I can read your mind
And I know your story
I see what you're going through, yeah
It's an uphill climb
And I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you, yeah
Don't surrender 'cos you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most, there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go, and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see
That if we stick together
You're going to find a way
So don't surrender 'cos you can win
In this thing called love

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrows
'Cos love's going to conquer it all

The Lord Cares

2007-02-28T13:08:00.000+08:00

I've experienced God's favour in the most innocuous of ways early this month. I was helping a friend out by fetching his kid from school (he had been out of town). I remember standing outside the school and casting worried glances at the sky.
It was dark and had the look of raining heavily and I didn't have an umbrella. I was excited of the prospect of having to bring the child back and then he falls sick because he was caught in the rain, so I quickly prayed and asked God to hold back the rain.
When it started raining, I switched tack and asked God that at least the child wouldn't fall sick. When the little one came out, the staff was very kind to look after him while I went to get the vehicle. That I did and we were off home. I was at least grateful that we wouldn't have to be drenched getting on the vehicle.
Then came the first surprise. It was raining heavily all the way. When we reached the child's grandparents' place (which was where I was to fetch him anyway), I looked out the window and saw it was bright and sunny! I was gaping at the skies and marvelling at how God would somehow saw fit to grant favour on me.
The second surprise came the next day. I had told myself to bring an umbrella and of course, in all nature of things, I had to forget, so I was nervously wondering if I really deserved His grace this time. I felt that I really deserved the consequences. But the same thing happened again! It was raining heavily during the car journey but was sunny when we actually reached the place.
The third day I really learnt my lesson. I borrowed an umbrella from a nearby office and even this time, the rain slackened when I fetched him home.
I felt that this was God reminding me that He was looking after the big things (i.e. that the universe ran the way it did) so I never have to worry about them. But yet He showed His tenderness by letting me know that he was also interested in the small details of my life. I mean, why did He even bother with an insignificant prayer of an insignificant person? Why did He even have to bother listening even? I do not and will never understand how God loves so much to the extent that He would come down and answer the smallest adnmost innocent of prayers. It's like He was shouting to me, 'Do not be afraid to ask! You matter! And so do the things in your heart!'
God is not an aloof Being. He proved that much to me. He could have brought up some verse in the Bible to me (which He does from time to time). This time, He wasn't contented with just that. He wanted to come Himself and touch me. He wasn't contented to show me His love from afar. He wanted to tell me Himself how He loves me.

Complete--Parachute Band

2007-02-22T21:56:00.000+08:00

This set of lyrics have been put up before, especially in my previous blog. But nonetheless, whilst it may be a mere song to some people, the Lord has used this song to comfort me so here it is again.

Complete--Parachute Band
Here I am, O Lord
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart, I offer up my life
I look to you, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you, Lord
In your strength will I break through
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears

Through the storm I will hold on, Lord
And by faith I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in you

Things I do when I'm bored or sad

2007-01-09T21:56:00.000+08:00

Pace the room (or wherever I'm at; could even be an empty spot in my work premises)
Daydream about (being in) submarines
Watch 'Munich' (mainly to remind myself that no matter how melancholic I was feeling, life's actually not that gloomy)
Watch 'Black Hawk Down' (same as above)
Watch 'Crimson Tide' (ha ha ha!)
Watch British comedies. I prefer them to American comedies because it doesn't take much to create a joke out of a crass act like farting etc, but it takes a lot of skill to bring out a comedic element from everyday happenings
Start looking for A, C, B, G, R, A or J to yak about life in general.
Remind myself that whatever I was experiencing was God's preparation for something bigger in the future (this can get really, really exciting)
Play 'Command & Conquer--Generals: Zero Hour'
Irritate my friends with my Matsu Takako rant (insider joke)
Irritate my friend about having a room-mate (he's a fiercely independent chap)

Yes, as you can see, it's very hard for me to remain bored or sad for long.....

First entry in new blog

2006-12-31T00:16:00.000+08:00

This is the first entry in a new blog. Hopefully, it has less bugs than the old one but I still kept to a similar format to provide a certain level of familiarity for those of you to come to my blog regularly.