My father

I know you're all probably expecting me to talk about God, but I'm talking about my human father instead. It's rather interesting to see how my relationship with my father has evolved over the years, and how this reflects my relationship with God as well.

I was raised in a family that was well-balanced, I should say. There was a clear hierarchy in the family. Some people might comment that it was overly militaristic but they are entitled to their opinions; I'm fine with how my dad raised me. He was liberal with the cane. Looking at the state of some kids we see today, I'm very glad that he was tough with me.

Of course he had his share of flaws (I am not, however, about to enumerate them); he is after all, a human being. I remember clashing with him on some occasions.

The differences between grew even more salient after I ORD-ed. That was the time I was finishing university and I felt the call of God into full-time ministry (sometimes, I wonder in jest if I should have acted blur about that). My father didn't agree. At that time, things really came to a head. He saw me as rash, and I saw him as nominal in his faith, and for a long while we were not on talking terms. Although we were cordial enough and I still respected him as my father, I was alienated from him and I'm sure, vice versa.

What made the turn of the tide was something unusual. God sent me a dream. In that dream, Christians were being hunted down, persecuted. But my father risked his life to hide me and ensure I was safe. Strangely, it didn't occur to me that if he was a Christian as well, why wasn't he being persecuted? It didn't matter. After I woke up, I thought about it. And I realised that whatever he did in my dream was consistent with his character. He may not see a place for leaps of faith the way I did, but he did remain true to what he believed in.

Other events followed over the years. I was talking to this student who had problems with her father and as I was talking to her, God said to me, 'Isn't it time you also dealt with yours?'

I did, and I felt I was doing what pleases the Lord. And I was deeply satisfied.

Last November, my father experienced what he thought was heart attack symptoms. He checked himself into hospital and was warded for a couple of days. We found out later that it was a false alarm. He had switched to a new diabetes medicine that had the side effects resembling symptoms of a heart attack.

I was at the time alarmed because that was about the right age for all these problems to come (he was 54 at the time). The fact that I went to visit him every day no doubt represented the last barrier that dropped between us.

By that time, I had already seen him in a new light. His faith wasn't shallow. It's just that he saw things (including spiritual matters) in pragmatic terms. I did not and in some instances still do not, agree with some things he said or did. But now, I do not judge him. I acknowledge the fact that whatever his decisions were, he made them in good faith, with all intentions that his family (us) should benefit for it. He had obviously given up considerable opportunities in order that we might enjoy what he never got.

Some of these opportunities I will never know. My father is never one to blow his own trumpet. I once asked him about the topic of extramarital affairs and asked him how he stood against all possible temptation. He just shrugged and said that it was the right thing to be loyal. Never mind that it was a major feat in and by itself.

So here's to my father, a man who has lived by his internal code of honour, from whom I had inherited my transparency, a man whom for all that you can say about him, has remained consistent in his character. He wears no mask; what you see is what you get, warts and all.

And while it took me a long time to appreciate this man for who he is, I'm glad I eventually did.

I also said that my relationship reflected, to some extent, my relationship with God as well. To put it simply, the day I stopped judging my father and stopped taking him for granted was also the day, I saw God clearer.