Night cycling planning phase

One of the significant events of this holidays was the night cycling event. It was held on 28 Nov all through to 29 Nov.
I had always wanted to organise a night cycling primarily because it was not something one did very often. I had also wanted to organise one for the 64th, because I am always of the opinion (and correct me if I'm wrong) that Boys have got plenty of energy and it would be a waste of we didn't allow that expression. So that was the genesis of the idea of the night cycling trip.
Soon came a development. I realised that due to various reasons, we were not going to have a youth camp this year. Someone within the 64th Coy officer corps decided that we should extend this to the rest of the SJCp youths. Not a new idea, since its Chaplain had in fact mooted the idea some years back; just that we never got down to it.
So there it was, a humble idea became something that was for the entire youth ministry. Then came the sobering part: We had not organised something like this before. And I was the chap who had to look into it because I was the only working adult who was available; the rest had their own schedules.
Booking the bicycles was fairly easy. We only needed to pay the delivery charges ($200) for the bikes to be sent to wherever we specified.
We were hoping to hit at least 30 km. But we were worried that it would be too short and if people finished it too quickly, they would get bored. So we felt that we should plan one long one. I wanted a route that would lead us parallel to the Changi runway, then lead into East Coast. But to get there, we had to cycle from SJCp. That was the difficult part. The idea was to avoid all expressways and major roads. Drivers tend to drive very very fast and I didn't want to think of the consequences of an accident. The 2nd thing was to secure 2 safety vehicles, one to lead the bike convoy, the other to follow behind. I didn't fully grasp the significance of this gesture but as I looked back, this turned out to be one of the most important factors that ensured our safety.
So we designed a route (50km). But we when we went for a recce the following week at the actual time (night), we got a rude shock. The route included Geylang Serai area which was a favourite night spot for people looking for a snack. Busy traffic. We quickly selected a shorter route (37 km) but adventurous as I wanted to be, I couldn't help but feel uneasy. This was also confirmed by another brother of mine who generously helped out in the recce phase.
Nevertheless, God brought about a turn of events who helped us a great deal--it rained. I know it sounds strange that we should feel that way. But the fact was that, it was one of those types where it rained a while, stopped a while. At that point, my boss pointed out to me that it was going to be dangerous. The road was wet and drivers were complacent; had it been raining heavily, everyone would definitely have slowed down and at least drive very carefully.
Those were terrifying moments for me. I had to decide whether to go ahead and take the risks, or call off the whole thing and disappoint everybody. I was the one on whose decision the entire thing hung. It was not an enjoyable feeling. By then, I had experienced cyclists who were with me in the decision-making (the original cadre of officers whom I worked with couldn't make it because they were overseas, except for Melboy, to whom I am extremely grateful for his calming presence, though he himself might not believe this). We all huddled together in prayer, but we were not your archetypical bold 'prayer warriors', so to speak. We were more like a frightened bunch of people who were desperate to find out what God had in mind, but yet unsure if He had spoken.
Anyway, we decide to go ahead but made a big change. We discarded the plans altogether and made one up. We called the bike vendor to change the delivery venue from SJCp to Changi Village. We would start from there, cycle past Changi Beach, reach the road parallel to the airport runway, cut into East Coast, cycle it's entire length, then end at car park C3 where we were supposed to return the bikes the next day anyway. After that, we'd hop on a chartered bus and return to SJCp.
I'll blog about the actual trip in the next entry. But at the chronological point in time where all I've described happened, I was arguable the most frightened individual in the church.
Right, next entry--The trip itself.

It's aliiiivvvveeee!!!!!!!!!!

Hi folks,
It's been a tremendously long time since I last put any entry. One will be coming along shortly, but for now, I have successfully put up a tagboard so you people can start flooding it. ;)

Let all things now living--Michael Card

Let all things now living
A song of thanksgiving
To God the Creator triumphantly raise
Who fashioned and made us
Protected and stayed us
Who guided us onto the end of our days

His banners are o'er us
His light goes before us
A pillar of fire shining forth in the night
Till shadows have vanished
And darkness is banished
As forward we travel from light into light

His law He enforces
The stars in their courses
The sun in its orbit obediently shine
The hills and the mountains
The rivers and fountains
The deeps of the ocean proclaim Him divine

We too should be voicing
Our love and rejoicing
With glad adoration
A song let us raise
Till all things now living
Unite in thanksgiving
To God in the highest
Hosanna and praise!

Two Secrets To Keep Your Marriage Brimming

1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it.
2. Whenever you're right, SHUT UP.

~Nash (whoever he is)~

The Lord Cares

I've been under quite a bit of strain recently. I had been carrying a burden on my heart for quite a while. Some time early this month, I reached a direction on where my feelings stood.
Then came a blow. One of our church members, a very beloved lady passed away on Saturday night. I was affected in the sense that I was preaching the very next day. That night was the first of many sleepless nights. After seeing the family, home, I reached home myself at 12 midnight, completely unaware of what was about to happen.
I woke up at 3.30 am and couldn't go back to sleep. I felt very heavily burdened. I was filled with a feeling of dread. My parents came in to give 'ang pows' (they normally do this on the eve of CNY when my sister and I are sleeping) and they were wondering why I was awake, Anyway, after they left, I sneaked out to the living room and there I wrestled in prayer. I begged God to take the burden away from me or let me sleep. No dice.
I wrestled until about 5 am and then decided that I was better off heading to church anyway. So I took a bath (I don't normally do that in the mornings because it was so cold) and headed off, the earliest I have ever been to church in my life.
The preaching went OK, according to friends. I was not so sure. I realised that I would suffer spiritual attacks (as if things weren't bad enough then) after I step off the pulpit. I would feel tremendously worthless and have said things that were totally useless to anybody in particular.
Thankfully that night, I rested well. Maybe it was because I was so tired by then. But just when I thought it was over, I was hit again on Monday night. This time, it was real bad. I couldn't sleep until 2.30 am. I said to God, 'Lord, I really can't do this. Please let me rest. I really can't take it.' I did go to bed.
And woke up again at 4 am. I begged and implored God to help me because I believed even sleep was a gift from Him. I didn't know why He didn't answer this prayer. But He wanted to tell me something. The same thing happened again on Tuesday.
I think the strain actually showed on my face when I went to work on Wednesday. A colleague saw and took me aside to encourage me. That helped a great deal but I found myself having another fruitless night struggling.
By that Friday during my church's prayer meeting, I was ready to just give up. I felt that I could give up and let some things just die. I thought, all right, I've got that out of the way now I can sleep.
It was not to be. I was really confused and lost. I could understand if it was God's will for nature to take its course in another way from what I expected (or hoped) and I was stubbornly holding on. I didn't understand because I had already made the decision to give up. So by right, I should be at peace, right?
Well, apparently not. At least, God sent people who love me to help cushion the blow. Now, I'm waiting for God to reveal His purpose for all this. All this happened around the time of my birthday so I'm somewhat dubious about how this can be a happy birthday.
On my birthday, I had to attend a Induction Service for a Vicar of another church. As I sat there, I felt overwhelmed because I knew that was the path I would one day take and I was very, very frightened. I felt I couldn't do it. But that was all right for that day. That evening, my mentor (who also happened to be my boss)and his family were kind to bring me to Swensen's for a treat. I shared with him how intimidated I was. Basically I felt the weight of my calling.
The next day it really hit me hard. I was the worship leader and I almost couldn't do it. I was locked in trepidation. I wasn't sure how I got through but God eventually gave me strength to overcome it.
I realised that when I fought a battle, it was because God gave me what was needed to make it though. But it was always enough to make it through this battle, never to win the whole war. I think this is good because I would otherwise never have known to constantly depend on Him. I would never have grasped the full implications of 'His mercies are new every morning'.
Of course, the other lesson is, faith is never the absence of doubts. It's about struggling with your doubts. Sometimes, you end up carrying them all the way until God fulfils His promise to you. I suspect Abraham had to wrestle with moments of despair while waiting for Isaac. I don't think he spent a good part of his life not thinking about whether God had forgotten him. He has had to grapple with whether he had heard God right. Maybe he should just give up and move on. God can't have been wrong so it's more likely he misread God. He surrenders but still gets torn in doubt.
Yet there are also times where he feels irrefutably sure that he has heard God correctly. Sometimes it is God who reassures. How He does this, not necessarily through appearing but in the quiet contemplation of the heart. As he sat still and quietened his heart, the Lord gives him a peace that He knows what He is doing. He believes not because he has the evidence but somehow he refuses to give up hope despite the doubts gnawing at him. By the time that God actually appears to him to reaffirm His promise, Abraham is ready to believe.
Interestingly the Bible states that Abraham believed the word of God and it is recorded that 'it was credited to him as righteousness' (Genesis 15:6). It is good news for us because what matters is that at the point when God tell us something, do we believe? When we do, it is inevitable that doubts will assail us. They are part and parcel of God shaping us, not an indication of lack of faith. It is not significant whether we suffer doubts or can find the reserve to believe completely without having doubts; the heart of the matter is whether we believe that God will do whatever He said He would do. Doubts and uncertainty are part of the package.
So if you living in uncertainty about the future direction, trust the Lord. If He leads you in a different direction from the one you expected or hoped for, so be it but when you hit setbacks and doubts, don't immediately assume you were wrong. Stop and wait on the Lord first and let Him speak to you in that still, small voice.

That's The Way It Is--Celine Dion

Most so-called love songs don't really impress me much because of the superficiality of the lyrics. Very often it is along the lines of 'Oh I can't live without you' or I'll die without you' etc... I usually prefer older songs or songs by established artistes like Celine Dion. I didn't put the song lyrics here to say that it reflects me in any way (it doesn't). I like Celine's Dion's vocals and her songs tend to take on a somewhat more mature flavour (I won't say all of them; the 'Titanic' theme song still gets my hair standing).

I can read your mind
And I know your story
I see what you're going through, yeah
It's an uphill climb
And I'm feeling sorry
But I know it will come to you, yeah
Don't surrender 'cos you can win
In this thing called love

When you want it the most, there's no easy way out
When you're ready to go, and your heart's left in doubt
Don't give up on your faith
Love comes to those who believe it
And that's the way it is

When you question me for a simple answer
I don't know what to say, no
But it's plain to see
That if we stick together
You're going to find a way
So don't surrender 'cos you can win
In this thing called love

When life is empty with no tomorrow
And loneliness starts to call
Baby, don't worry, forget your sorrows
'Cos love's going to conquer it all

The Lord Cares

I've experienced God's favour in the most innocuous of ways early this month. I was helping a friend out by fetching his kid from school (he had been out of town). I remember standing outside the school and casting worried glances at the sky.
It was dark and had the look of raining heavily and I didn't have an umbrella. I was excited of the prospect of having to bring the child back and then he falls sick because he was caught in the rain, so I quickly prayed and asked God to hold back the rain.
When it started raining, I switched tack and asked God that at least the child wouldn't fall sick. When the little one came out, the staff was very kind to look after him while I went to get the vehicle. That I did and we were off home. I was at least grateful that we wouldn't have to be drenched getting on the vehicle.
Then came the first surprise. It was raining heavily all the way. When we reached the child's grandparents' place (which was where I was to fetch him anyway), I looked out the window and saw it was bright and sunny! I was gaping at the skies and marvelling at how God would somehow saw fit to grant favour on me.
The second surprise came the next day. I had told myself to bring an umbrella and of course, in all nature of things, I had to forget, so I was nervously wondering if I really deserved His grace this time. I felt that I really deserved the consequences. But the same thing happened again! It was raining heavily during the car journey but was sunny when we actually reached the place.
The third day I really learnt my lesson. I borrowed an umbrella from a nearby office and even this time, the rain slackened when I fetched him home.
I felt that this was God reminding me that He was looking after the big things (i.e. that the universe ran the way it did) so I never have to worry about them. But yet He showed His tenderness by letting me know that he was also interested in the small details of my life. I mean, why did He even bother with an insignificant prayer of an insignificant person? Why did He even have to bother listening even? I do not and will never understand how God loves so much to the extent that He would come down and answer the smallest adnmost innocent of prayers. It's like He was shouting to me, 'Do not be afraid to ask! You matter! And so do the things in your heart!'
God is not an aloof Being. He proved that much to me. He could have brought up some verse in the Bible to me (which He does from time to time). This time, He wasn't contented with just that. He wanted to come Himself and touch me. He wasn't contented to show me His love from afar. He wanted to tell me Himself how He loves me.

Complete--Parachute Band

This set of lyrics have been put up before, especially in my previous blog. But nonetheless, whilst it may be a mere song to some people, the Lord has used this song to comfort me so here it is again.

Complete--Parachute Band
Here I am, O Lord
I bring this sacrifice
My open heart, I offer up my life
I look to you, Lord
Your love that never ends
Restores me again

So I lift my eyes to you, Lord
In your strength will I break through
Touch me now, let your love fall down on me
I know your love dispels all my fears

Through the storm I will hold on, Lord
And by faith I will walk on, Lord
Then I'll see beyond my calvary one day
And I will be complete in you

Things I do when I'm bored or sad

1. Pace the room (or wherever I'm at; could even be an empty spot in my work premises)
2. Daydream about (being in) submarines
3. Watch 'Munich' (mainly to remind myself that no matter how melancholic I was feeling, life's actually not that gloomy)
4. Watch 'Black Hawk Down' (same as above)
5. Watch 'Crimson Tide' (ha ha ha!)
6. Watch British comedies. I prefer them to American comedies because it doesn't take much to create a joke out of a crass act like farting etc, but it takes a lot of skill to bring out a comedic element from everyday happenings
7. Start looking for A, C, B, G, R, A or J to yak about life in general.
8. Remind myself that whatever I was experiencing was God's preparation for something bigger in the future (this can get really, really exciting)
9. Play 'Command & Conquer--Generals: Zero Hour'
10. Irritate my friends with my Matsu Takako rant (insider joke)
11. Irritate my friend about having a room-mate (he's a fiercely independent chap)

Yes, as you can see, it's very hard for me to remain bored or sad for long.....